What makes you STRONGER?

"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger." I genuinely believe in that phrase, yet there are times when you wish for a break. If you've read my bio, you'll know I've endured quite a bit over the last 11 years. The obstacles I've encountered here in New York City are truly noteworthy, but as the saying goes, "what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger." I reached a stage in life where I had the ideal job, the boyfriend, money, friends, and family—everything I ever desired. I would think to myself, at last, I achieved everything I worked for. Then life comes along and knocks me down again. Just a quick note before we proceed. This blog isn't intended to evoke pity for what I've been through; it's for anyone who can relate to my experiences, and I hope it can help.

Recently, my boyfriend ended our relationship, and while I won't go into all the specifics, it was quite a long story. He meant the world to me. After the breakup, I had to move out since we shared a home, and finding an apartment in New York City was a nightmare. The market was limited, and rents were sky-high. I searched daily, only to face rejections from boards or discover unsuitable places. It was discouraging, and my emotions over the breakup intensified, leading to tears when I couldn't secure a place. The breakup was excruciating, consuming my thoughts every day. I couldn't eat, lost a lot of weight (which isn't ideal given my small frame), and my mental state was dire. Eventually, I found an apartment and am slowly settling in. Although it's a great space, I never wanted to move or deal with this situation. After moving in, my friends and family advised me to stay busy to forget him. I tried, going out frequently and suppressing my feelings, hoping they'd disappear, yet the pain persisted. Then, COVID hit. Amidst this chaos, I tested positive. Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, I had to quarantine, alone with my thoughts in my new apartment. It was pure torment. Have you ever been confined to your home, forced to confront your thoughts and pain? I cried daily until I was breathless, feeling utterly lost. Though friends and family called, assuring me that time heals and I'd meet someone wonderful, I struggled to believe it. I wallowed in self-pity, questioning my worth and what I did wrong. It was a toxic mental spiral. I was in such a bad state that even home yoga seemed impossible (which says a lot). Let's continue...

As my quarantine was nearing its end, I came to a halt. I stopped crying and ceased criticizing myself. I realized this experience was a lesson meant for my journey. I want to clarify that this isn't about criticizing him. This is my outlet. Writing to all of you is my outlet, and it not only aids me but is intended to support you as well. I understood that I contracted COVID because the universe needed me to pause and confront this. It recognized I was managing the pain incorrectly and had to redirect me, unfortunately through COVID. The silver lining is that it made me realize I will be okay. It compelled me to face the pain and silence it. It revealed my worth, that I'm a great girlfriend, and that what we had wasn't right for me. Coping with the pain of being hurt by someone you love is incredibly challenging, and we often avoid it. But we must confront it! As I've said before, "what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger." You must fight for yourself every day! You have to take care of yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically. We need to acknowledge the events in our lives to grow stronger. I believe it's harder for women as we're more emotional than men, but it's the same for you guys in similar situations. We can't hide our feelings or pain. Let the darkness out so the light can improve things for you. I can honestly say I'm much better now; I'm not 100%... but I'm stronger for it, and I'll keep fighting for my happiness every day. We all face tough times in life, and sometimes it becomes overwhelming. I've known people who couldn't handle it and turned to worse outlets or became depressed. The pain was too much for them, and they harmed themselves. We all cope with pain differently, and I understand that, but I want everyone to take away that it didn't kill you, and it will make you stronger. Write it down; repeat it in your head until it becomes ingrained. Write down all the blessings you have in life. It's easy to forget how blessed we are and feel sorry for ourselves. That was me, but you have to snap out of it. Again, this blog isn't to make you feel sorry for me or paint my ex as a bad guy because he's not. It's to help me help you. That's all I want from these blogs, and as this year ends, let's try harder to be vulnerable and accept that things aren't perfect or that we're in pain. We all need help, and it's okay to ask for it. If you or someone you know is dealing with COVID, I wish you a speedy recovery and assure you that it will be okay. I wish you all the happiest and healthiest New Year! Remember, pain will always exist in your life, but if you handle it correctly, it will make you much stronger!

You are worth it and deserve the very best! Happy Holidays!

MUCH LOVE

XOXO