Let Them...And Let Me Shine

My whole adult life, I’ve been a people pleaser. A “yes” girl to the core. I’d go out of my way to help people, show up for them, and do what they wanted—always putting myself second. I didn’t really have a voice, and honestly, I didn’t even know who I was, because I was so busy living for everyone else. That became my way of life for years, and at the time, I didn’t see much wrong with it.

But things started shifting when I moved to NYC. I still had that yes-girl energy, though. People would invite me out on a random Tuesday night—like, “Hey Amanda, wanna hit this club at 10PM?” And in my head, I’m screaming, “ABSOLUTELY NOT.” But what came out? “Sure!” And off I went, mascara melting and all.

I also accepted a lot of bad behavior from people. I let comments slide, gave endless second chances, and just kept giving even when I had nothing left in the tank. It took a toll. Emotionally, mentally—I was drained. I started wondering, “Why would they treat me like that?” or “Why would they say that?” But the real question was—why was I letting it happen?

I felt like my shine was fading. I wasn’t myself. I was emotionally worn out and tired of feeling used, overlooked, and taken for granted. Then one day, right around my 40th birthday, it just hit me: this "yes girl" life has got to go. So, I started saying no. I started removing people from my life who weren’t healthy for me. And if they got mad? Honestly, F**K it. I was done sacrificing my peace to keep everyone else comfortable. Was it easy? Heck no. People were shocked when I started saying no. Like full-on “Wait... Amanda said no?” vibes. And they’d try to guilt me or act like I was the bad guy. But I kept at it. And I started building a relationship—not with them, but with myself. That was new. And powerful. I realized that if people want to be mad about my boundaries, then... let them. I can’t control how they feel, and I’m not responsible for managing their emotions.

Then, something wild happened I came across this book, The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. And I swear, it felt like the universe handed it to me wrapped in glitter with a giant “YES GIRL, THIS IS FOR YOU” sign.

Mel talks about this idea that if people want to behave a certain way... let them. If they want to be flaky, distant, or even make bad choices—let them. Because we can't change people. We can only control how we respond.

That hit me like a truck (in a good way).

I used to be a total fixer, too. If a friend was unhealthy, I’d send them 12 workout plans, a juice cleanse, and a guided meditation. If someone was going through a breakup, I’d give the full TED Talk on why they shouldn’t go back to their toxic ex. And guess what? They’d still do whatever they wanted.

And now? I get it. People change when they are ready—not when we beg, plead, or push. So now? I just let them. Mel also discusses the concept of Let Me. Let me make choices that feel right for me. Let me say no without feeling guilty. Let me shine without dimming my light for others. This isn't selfish—it's essential for survival. Naturally, this doesn't imply we stop caring about others or refuse everything, nor does it mean everyone in my life is a candidate for the Let Them approach. I am truly blessed to have wonderful people in my life. It simply means we stop exhausting ourselves trying to manage everyone else's path. We reclaim that energy to nourish ourselves—because, ultimately, you can't pour from an empty cup. It took me a long time to reach this understanding. But now, when someone behaves in a way that used to unsettle me, I pause, breathe, and remind myself: Let them. And then I move on. With peace. And a bit more of my sparkle preserved. Believe me this is no easy task and takes hard work and consistency, I trip up at times, but if you can find your way back to it you know it is something you want in your life. You got this!

So, if you're reading this and you’ve been giving everyone else your light for way too long, just know—it’s okay to take it back. It’s okay to set boundaries. And it’s more than okay to focus on YOU.

I hope this helps even one person find their light again. And if you haven’t already—go grab The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. It just might be the shift you didn’t know you needed. (the fixer in me sneaking out)

Inspired by The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins (2024).

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