“ Every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings.”
My mom puts on the black and white version of It’s a Wonderful Life every year at Christmas. At this point in my life I have probably seen it 30 times. What is interesting in all of those times I never took the concept of the movie to heart. I just always thought it was a cute movie, an angel showing Mr. George Bailey what a wonderful life he has. My opinion of that movie changed when my dear friend Niall passed. Today is Niall’s birthday and I always have a hard time. I went to his memorial spot last weekend and said maybe Niall was an angel sent to me, like the movie It’s a Wonderful Life. Maybe he was sent to show me what a wonderful life I have and point me in the right direction. When Niall passed I couldn’t go one day without asking why. Why did he have to be taken so early in life? Why put him in my life only to take him away and make me suffer with such pain? If you read my previous blog about him, Niall was the first friend I made in New York City we met at the pub we both worked at. Our friendship was something I can’t describe, we were thick as thieves, and he always protected me. He was always one step ahead of me, making sure I was doing the right thing. I never really noticed it much then, but now I see that he was an angel sent here for me. Niall was supposed to leave us at 30 because he was put here to do a job, protect me, his family and others that crossed his path. It wasn’t only me that Niall protected, there were many people that came through his life and he did the same for all of them. I think a lot of us see angels as people that have passed and they are looking on us now. I see them as that, but also them being sent to us physically to help and guide us in the right direction. He will come back into the lives of the people that loved him at some point, to me, to his parents and sister, to his friends.
The day Niall died, my life shattered, my soul was empty, my heart was in complete pieces and at that very moment there is not one thing you can do. When our loved ones leave us it is devastating. I have had a lot of loses in my life, my grandparents, my brother, Niall. I do believe that my grandparents and my brother are my guardian angels now and watch over me, but Niall was sent to me. I can only be so grateful now today. I will always have a hole as deep as the ocean in my heart for him, nothing will ever replace the relationship we had, no one will be able to protect me the way he did because it wasn’t out of choice it was his duty that turned into a beautiful friendship. If you have lost someone dear to you and are having a hard time, take a minute and think the way I am. Are they your angel watching over you or were they an angel sent to you during a hard time or maybe they were in your life for a long time because they needed to get you to a certain point of your journey. Death is extremely hard to accept, but once you can come to terms with why you will be able to breathe a little better. We always ask why? When we don’t get the answer to the why, we start answering ourselves with things that don’t even make sense and can harm our acceptance of why it did happen. Niall and I were friends for 5 years while he was here and I will never forget that friendship. I break down a lot about him, but then I try to calm down and understand he put me in the place I am in today and he is looking down on me so proud of who I am as a person. That was one of his jobs, get Amanda to believe in herself and put her on the right path in her journey. Well, he succeeded and I am internally grateful for him and having crossed paths with an angel so special my heart aches in love.
I never thought 10 years ago I would be living in New York City or have made such a special friendship with Niall. All I can say now is how happy I am to have met such a special angel, a person that his inner most beauty shined on everyone everyday. They say a soulmate is someone you are romantically involved with, which I agree, but I also think a friend can be your soulmate and that is what Niall was to me, we were meant to have a beautiful friendship only for a short time. I will always remember you my sweet friend, I know you are with someone else right now helping them and I know you will succeed once again. To whoever needs to here this I hope it sinks in a bit, “ You’re never to lost, that your angels cannot find you.”
MUCH LOVE, XOXO