Are you OK? These are three words we say too often, yet not enough. Last night, as I was finishing the Harry & Meghan documentary, there was a segment where she wrote an article in The Times about her life, with the subtitle "Are you OK?" which piqued my interest. Later, during my usual Instagram browsing, I came across posts about a family who had just lost their husband/father. I followed him and his wife because they were dancers who made the most adorable videos with their family, and their smiles were always so radiant. He appeared on several talk shows and had such a wonderful personality. Watching their videos, you'd think, I want that, I want what they have. They seemed so happy. As I continued scrolling through the posts, I discovered that he had passed away due to mental health issues. Although I don't know these people personally, I was shocked. How could that happen, I wondered, when they seemed so happy? In all the posts, the phrase appeared again... "Are you OK?" This phrase came up twice in one night for me, prompting me to write this.
It's such a simple phrase when you think about it. It takes maybe a minute to text or call someone and ask, “Are you OK?” We often say this to each other, but do we truly mean it? Not in a negative way, but perhaps we say it and then continue with our daily routine without delving deeper. I also believe many people respond with a yes regardless of what they're experiencing. We tend to showcase the good, especially on social media. We post smiles, happy moments, vacations, and nice dinners. We rarely share the tough times or when we feel sad. I know I've felt that way many times. Many people look at my Instagram and think, oh, she’s pretty, gets whatever she wants, lives a dream life, but most don’t realize I've been in dark places many times. As humans, we struggle to express our feelings. We don’t want to burden anyone. We just say “I’m fine” when asked if we're okay because it’s easier. There are, of course, exceptions. I was that person; I would post my “happy life” and then cry at home, asking God why these terrible things were happening to me. I never showed my pain; I sat with it daily and just dealt with it. I faced a lot of judgment in my life, went through multiple deaths, and had very bad break-ups, so when I encountered these situations, the pain was unbearable. I couldn’t handle it, and there were times I thought if I stopped breathing, it would all go away. I never reached that point, but this is how people feel. I managed to see the light ahead, and yoga was a big help for me. But many people in dark situations can’t find the light. They are in pain, unable to cope, and no one knows they are suffering deeply. My heart broke for that family last night, and my heart broke for Meghan in that documentary. Her situation is obviously very different; she was in pain, and few cared. People judged her, and she had to accept that regardless of the truth. This is where we need to step in and genuinely check on each other. Ask real questions, especially if you notice someone is depressed or sad. We are all busy and have our problems, I understand. But we need to ensure the people we love and care about are truly OK! When I was in a dark place, I had family and friends to talk to, but I only shared what I felt necessary because I was embarrassed. We need to ensure those three words reach the person’s deep feelings. This is the time to cherish each other. Appreciate what you have today. Strive to live your best life for yourself and your loved ones. Take a few minutes to check in on yourself and ask, “Are you OK?” Just as we need to check on our loved ones, we need to check on ourselves and ensure we are OK. If you or anyone you know isn’t OK, please reach out. I’m not a miracle worker or a therapist, but maybe just talking would help. I wish everyone a wonderful holiday season and much growth, peace, happiness, and success in 2023!
Beautifully said.