It has now been a year that we have been under COVID’s thumb. When lockdown happened I found myself in a weird place. I never worked from home before, nor couldn’t go outside my apartment. It was definitely a struggle. I took that struggle and created something that I am very proud of… this very blog! Never in a million years would I think that I would create a blog. I actually never understood why people wrote blogs. I started this website to write about yoga and how it has helped me through the years, but as I started writing I went off into so many other topics. It was like I could just jump on the computer and start writing. I received good and bad feedback which was great and the amount of support I received was really something special. When I would get notes about how I helped someone it would tug on my heart strings and that is why this blog is still going a year later. Let's begin...
I have so many favorite blogs that I have wrote over this past year and they are all real experiences that I go through on a daily basis. This year has been tough on all of us, believe me I have fell multiple times with everything in my life… work, friends, and relationships. THAT IS OK! As I say in my I’m NOT PERFECT blog, we constantly try to make everyone happy and sometimes we need to focus on ourselves and our happiness. I will admit I fell off the wagon with yoga over this past year (please no one fall off your chair after that comment). I was doing it at home, but just couldn’t focus, didn’t feel in the right space and if I am not in the right space it doesn’t help. By not keeping up with my practice it took a toll on everything else in my life. My mind was so flooded with negativity and scenarios that I was making up in my head. I couldn’t get out of my own way. It was literally harming myself mentally, emotionally, and physically. I actually ended up in the ER at one point with burst cysts because I was putting so much pressure on myself to make sure everyone is happy and I forgot about Amanda. I forgot about yoga, I let my ego take over, I fed it every story it wanted. I couldn’t control anything, I felt so lost and couldn’t pull myself out of it. It took me to hit rock bottom emotionally to realize that this is not ok. I sit here on this blog and preach about being thankful, being mindful, being happy, spread love etc… and here I am losing my shit!! I wanted to share this with you all, because I want you to know I am a REAL person. I F*@K up, more than once, I forget to take care of myself. I know we all do, but we have to come to a place where we acknowledge what is happening. I can’t blame anyone for my actions or what caused those actions, all I can do is hold my head high and keep moving forward. I started back to reading my yoga books and looking for my new space where I can practice yoga. I actually just moved and there is place literally next door that has sound bath sessions and opening your chakras classes. Like if that isn’t a sign that says, “Get your act together, Amanda” I don’t know what is! Yoga might not be your passion like it is mine, but everyone needs to have a passion to escape the sometimes everyday chaos this life gives us. Another activity I like to do, which can sound silly to most people is color. I have multiple adult coloring books (which when I say that sounds so creepy-LOL). I will put music on and sit for hours and color, to which I have actually made some cool stuff and would like to make it into a coffee table book (like I don’t have enough going on). Just know that there is something out there for you and you would be surprised what you come up with. I never had a creative bone in my body, and here I am with a website/blog and coloring books :)
This year has been hard for sure, living this way takes a toll even if we don’t think it does. We have to make lemonade out of these lemons. I looked back at all my blogs and was like WOW this girl is right!! Sometimes we fall, sometimes we slip up, and sometimes we F*@K up badly, but we have to realize we are human and in an environment of absolute chaos! When chaos surrounds us, we assume it is normal and then accept the negative behavior we are doing. So we have to stay conscious, we have to stay clear to see the good that is out there. We need to see around the chaos, because if not it will consume you and your thoughts. Believe me I let it happen. If this has happened to you accept it, you aren’t a bad person, you are just struggling and that is ok. We need to take our struggles and grow from them, but we also need to acknowledge them. We need to help each other, if you have a loved one that you can see is losing it or in pain or something… reach out ask them if they are ok, listen to what is happening. We all have very different feelings so a lot of the times what someone feels doesn’t make sense to the other person and THAT IS OK! Just be there, give them a hug reinforce to them that all is going to be ok. The smallest gestures are actually the biggest help. All I can do is keep writing and keep giving you all my real self. It is ok to be imperfect, because that is what makes you a beautiful person. I can be a handful a lot of times, but I know at the end of the day that my heart is so big that it makes my imperfections beautiful. We will all get through this and if anyone has fallen off the “I can do everything” wagon, please read this and reach out!
MUCH LOVE. XOXO
P.S. below are some of my fantastic works of art! ;)