What is love? What is a relationship? We as humans need love, we need affection from a partner, but are we trying to hard and or expecting too much?
Relationships now a days are very hard, there are so many added elements to a relationship now that it is hard for two people to stay together or keep the love they have for each other. When I moved to New York, I didn’t move here for love I moved here for a career, but of course I wanted to meet that special someone. Dating in New York has been the most frustrating thing I have XPERIENCED. Which I am sure a lot of you are like how can that be, it is New York City. The problem now a days is everything is online and people can be whoever they want to be online, they can make up a whole different life to portray if they want. There are more women than men, so it makes it very hard for us ladies to find a good man (no offense boys). I have XPERIENCED over the years a few guys that made my head spin regarding their behavior. I would always say to myself, does no one have manners! (BTW... this is not me coming at men here, just my POV). It always felt like they just genuinely didn’t even care about my feelings. I have had a lot of girlfriends XPERIENCE the same thing. That is why most of the time we stay single and focus on our careers, because we just can’t deal with the bullshit anymore. Most women now a days are very independent and career oriented because we have to be. Most women are having children and getting married later in life. I am one of those ladies. I just turned 37 and not married and don’t have children, but very focused on work. AND THAT IS OK! So many women worry about their age, like I am getting older I need a child and need to be married. I totally understand that is a feeling they have, but I also want to say to those ladies, what is meant to be in your journey will be so don’t focus so much on it and enjoy the ride. We all strive for that perfect partner, but who is that? No one is perfect obviously so how do we find what we are looking for? I have tried the sites and a matchmaker and nothing ever came from it, I think I was trying to hard. It should come organically and when you find that person you see perfect! Find a person that lights up your soul, motivates you, adores you, makes you smile, loves you for who you are not what you have.
You finally found your partner! Now the work begins! Relationships are extremely hard. Each person has their own personality and likes to which needs to be addressed by the other. There are times when you look at him and think “you are annoying the shit out of me” and that is ok! It is ok to have feelings like that and arguments are good (civil rational arguments). We are all very different so we have to acknowledge our partners traits/wants to make the relationship last. Being in love can change the way you see things. Even everyday activities like going to the store can become more enjoyable. You may also see things from your partners perspective and enjoy doing new things that they like. When you find that special someone you want it to be a healthy partnership. I have been in a toxic relationship before, and it literally steals your soul. I lost myself and became so sad and depressed over it, but for some reason I wouldn’t leave. I thought this is it, this is what is meant for me. I settled. I was that girl that I mentioned earlier. “ I am getting older and I don’t want to be alone” so will just settle with what I have. Writing that just now and reading it over makes me want to slap myself! I feel that women in toxic relationships have a very hard time getting out of them, but eventually you come to a realization that you as a person are worth so much more and it is ok to be alone. Once I was on my own for a while I fell in love... with myself! The bad relationships that I have been in made me realize what I deserve. Do I need Mr. Perfect, NO, but I will not settle for bullshit anymore. When women do this, people sometimes can judge them and say they are being a bitch and or mean, but in all reality it is us sticking up for ourselves and having respect for what we deserve. Once you are able to take that step, “Mr./Mrs. Perfect” will fall into your lap! Us girls are very emotional beings so it is hard for us to get to a place where we are happy in a relationship. Love is one of the hardest things I have ever accomplished in my life. Sure I can have the great career, the luxury apartment and travel the world, but love is the best XPERIENCE one can have.
“ Love is a passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. If you don’t start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who’ll love you the same way back. And how do you find that? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I’m not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt you’ll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love- well, you haven’t lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived.” - Meet Joe Black
As the above quote says, forget your head (wisely) and follow your heart. Obviously be smart with the decisions you make, but learn to enjoy the journey you are on, live life to the fullest! When you love yourself and put that energy into the universe “Mr./Mrs. Perfect” will come along and I hope you can all tell me your love story one day and I can share mine!
MUCH LOVE, XOXO