Was something I said a lot, I always thought that it was pointless to talk to a random stranger about my feelings.
What is therapy? Does it help? As we all know from reading my previous blogs I am a very Type “A” person and like to be in control of what is going on in my life. I am also a fixer, so if I am hurting I want to fix it immediately or if someone I care about is hurting I want to fix that for them. I have always been the type of person that wears her heart on her sleeve and will give anyone the shirt off my back. I love being that person, I love having that ability to give, but it can take a toll on a person. I forget about myself a lot to which can cause serious issues for my mental health. I have been told by family and friends to try therapy to talk through any issues I may have. My response each time, was nah I don’t need therapy (like it was a bad thing). I have had the tough exterior, like if I go to therapy then something is wrong with me and Type “A” Amanda can’t have that! I know many people that are in therapy and they love it! I would ignore their suggestions and just keep doing what I was doing. Then it got to be too much, I was losing control and finally broke down. So I did it… I finally made an appointment with a therapist. I was actually going through with it, the day came for the appointment and I cancelled. Type “A” Amanda (ego) came out and was like you are fine and nothing is wrong, you don’t need therapy. When the ego takes over your mind like that you believe it. Your ego is there to hurt you, it will make up all kinds of scenarios to make you think other than what is actually going on. What we have to learn is how to ignore it so we can have clear thoughts. So here I was again, having issues. I finally told my ego to f**k off and made another appointment for a therapist, and this time I kept it. Keep Reading...
I was so nervous to do this! Should I tell her everything? Do I keep somethings from her so she doesn’t think I am crazy? Does she do all the talking? All these questions in my head, made me realize that was my anxiety, I was always thinking too much about everything and worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet. It was finally time, and there I was one on one with my now therapist. I told her everything that was going on in my life and my childhood. I spent that hour talking and listening to her, to which gave me a better understanding on what was happening in my life. I never thought I had anxiety, but she showed me all the worrying and the questioning of everything little thing in my life was anxiety. She really opened my eyes up to the fact that it is ok to have these feelings and be who you are, just have to make some tweaks on things that may be harming me, like my ego. Within the first 30 minutes I felt slightly better. Like I am going to be ok! I never thought talking to a stranger about my feelings would be helpful, but it was. I apologized to her at one point, because I always judged therapy and thought it was silly. She said, most people do and that is ok. People can tell you to go do it, but you won’t do it until you are ready and you did so be proud of that. We talked every week after that, I would say what I needed to say and she would guide me on how to address the issue. I can’t believe I am saying this now, but I really enjoy talking to her every week. There has been times where I went back to my ego and would tell her the next week what happened. This is ok… change isn’t overnight… just like yoga it is a practice, it is about trying to stay consistent and acknowledge what is happening and then react better the next time, but it takes work!
We live in a crazy beautiful world and our minds and surroundings can get to us one way or another. We can’t do this on our own, we have to have someone in our lives to lean on. I again can’t believe I am saying this, but I highly recommend therapy. They are not there to fix you, but to guide you. To show you how to stay on the path that best suits you in life. Show you the things that you are doing that are not helpful. Understand your past, understand your present, and understand your future. We all I am sure have anxiety about our past and future, it is like we are programmed to be upset about whatever happened in the past and be upset about what we don’t have currently have and what we need in the future. No one can force you to go to therapy, it is just not a thing. Nor am I forcing you to go, you will go if you want to and or when you want to. My rant here to you all is I was that person for a very long time, felt embarrassed (ego) if I went, but I am so glad I told my ego to shut up and started this journey. I am now proud to say that therapy is one of the best things that has happened to me. Hope you all will give it a go!